Goddess Letter - Good Fair
By Paganus Greybeard - Staff Writer
It was a good Fair.
For this Paganus it was a good Fair.
I had ‘work’ - such as it was - that got Me out of the Household for
ten (10) days.
I had Challenges to Overcome.
I had Tasks to Accomplish and Ojectives to Achieve.
Goddess - I thank You for all of that.
I had Lessons to learn.
Some I am already learning.
I thank You for the chance to resuce to tiny little kitt.
Finding the lost child was also rewarding.
It was dusty, smelly, draining and exhausting total sensory overload.
I thank You for all of that also.
I thank You also for the unexpected and unwanted challenge of the
‘team leader’. He was not My team’s leader. We had an encounter.
It was quite ugly. His kharma came back and chewed and lunched Him up good.
I am still waiting for My kharma’s verdict.
Aside from the Jury Duty Summons I think I am still clean and clear.
I had the ‘rabbit-totem’ and rescued kitt experiences after that nasty, brief encounter.
I think I might, perhaps have a clue to my kharma’s verdict.
Yes, Goddess.
I thank You even for all of that.
Teaching Moments.
Learning Experiences.
Sharing Moments.
You were tossing basket-full’s of those at Me at Fair.
I probably missed several of Your Lessons and Learning Moments.
I think I might have used a Sharing Moment or three.
It was not so much the ‘work’ - If I can say that with a straight face -
that was so overwhelming. It was the background experience of the
noises, smells, sights and realities of the Fair.
That and the driving home.
That is and was the Big One.
You got Me home every night.
Driving home every night was My biggest challenge of this Fair.
The roads were dark, often not well marked if they were even marked at all,
wet and slippery and in Reche Canyon - narrow and twisty.
Reche Canyon is bad road in the daytime.
At night it is a nightmare.
Even at that it is still better than the Freeway.
Around here almost any road is better than the Freeway.
I am here.
With Your help I made it.
I endured and survived.
I comprehended and understood.
I centered, grounded and shielded.
I succeeded.
This was ‘work’ for ten (10) days.
I need more than this.
If possible - I need it closer.
No more night drives in back-country canyons and hills.
No more gasgging and choking dust.
No more deafeningnoise from ‘Carnivale’ -
“El Toro Huaco” ‘Mexican’ rodeo -
and dirt track motorcycle and sprint and demo derby car races.
Urrggh.
Especailly the last.
I can handle the rodeo.
It’s those dirt-trackers that are a bit much.
For My next paycheck -
and Teaching, Learning and Sharing moments -
Perhaps a nice, quiet office someplace?
I can - at least ask for that?
I can do that - right?
I thank You also for the opportunity to serve the Membership
and Readership of MysticWitch.com.
I thank You for the Mystress. She is a good Editor and Publisher.
She is also a good Teacher and Sharer.
I am lucky to be working with Her.
I also thank You for the Staff of MysticfWitch.
I am lucky to be working with them also.
May tghe baby kitt, baby camel ‘Delilah’ and all of the babies be well tended
and carfed for.
May the 2nd shift ‘dispatch’ be safe anbd secure in Her patrols.
She is a Riverside County Deputy. Not sure how many knew that.
And Yes - Look after “P.". HJe was a pain. Look after Him also.
He pinched his nerves. Perhaps HIs pinched nerves can be a wake-up call
to Him that His Darksider Spirit and Ways is doing as much damage to
Himself as He is to others.
Do No Harm.
Let No Harm Be Done.
Perhaps - in time - even “P.” can learn this.
So thus it was -
So thus it is -
So thus it be.
Do No Harm.
By Thought, Word or Deed -
Intentionally or unintentionally -
By action or inaction -
Let No Harm Be Done -
To Others or Yourself -
Let No Harm Be Done.
Let’s Be Careful & Cautious out there.
Let’s Remain Out of Harm’s Way out there.
So Mote It Be.
Blessings Be.
Paganus Greybeard
Solemnis Solitaire
BardicMagus/Priest-in-Training
May the Goddess Bless - A Goddess Letter
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
In Times of Trouble -
May the Goddess Bless.
One of Our Own needs Your help.
One of Your Own needs Your help.
The Father of Our Mistress R. is in hospital.
He knows not himself nor anyone else.
He is alive -
yet -
in a way -
not alive.
He is hanging between the Realms.
He is holding between the Worlds.
The Mistress is facing a nightmare situation
that no Childe prepares or plans for.
This is the Horror and Nightmare
that the Childe most fears.
The Parent is gone -
yet is still here.
The Body is here -
the Mind may be gone.
The Family is in severe emotional
disruption and stress.
They need You and Your Healing.
They need You and Your Help.
You are Needed.
Blessings to the Father.
Blessings to the Family.
Blessings to All.
So thus it was -
So thus it is -
So thus it be.
Blessings Be.
Paganus Greybeard
BardicMagus/Priest-in-Training
Solemnis Solitaire
17:33 [5:33p] {pacific/’california’}
09/14/2006
Goddess Letter #7 - Were You Talking To Me????
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
Greetings, Godddess!
Whichever One You are of the ‘Duty Shift’…..
Were You talking to Me yesterday morning?
Had a very strange semi-meditation/dream.
Not exactly sure what it was….
There was a College or University Campus.
Same one I am always ‘visiting’.
I was inside an elevator that goes nowhere that mysteriously
turns into a ‘bucky-ball’ shaped floating chamber that floats
over cities and buildings till I see the Campus.
I land in a Commons - a large grass area the size of a football field
between large Greek & Roman style academic buildings.
Before I was in the floating transcendant elevator I was watching
some kind of very weird female-only sporting event where nudity
was not unexpected. Not sure what the young ladies were doing.
Whatever they were doing they were doing it topless.
How I got from there to the floating elevator I don’t know -
can’t clearly remember that. After the the flying elevator
landed in the soft, green grass of the Campus Commons I
was speaking to one of the ladies. She said for Me not to touch Her.
She said why - I just could not hear what She said.
I then seem to remember somebody saying that I needed to get a
girlfriend. The Young Woman smiled. I then said that -
“….The Goddess will provide. When I am meant to have a gf -
I will have one. The Goddess knows. The Goddess provides….”
The Young Lady nodded. I then awoke to some birds loudly chirping
outside My window.
I know I have been told to meditate.
Was I asleep or in meditation?
I would vote for being asleep.
Yet I remember continually awakening.
Perhaps I was asleep - in some light meditative state?
Not sure where I was.
Not sure what all that was - or meant.
Godddess of the ‘Duty Shift’ -
Were You talking to Me?
I certainly appreciate the message if it was You.
I did ask for clarity in the messages.
I also asked to be able to remember them.
So what could this new message mean?
Semi-dressed lady athletes - an elevator that turns into
a floating ‘buckyball’ - and I speak to Myself with the Words
of the Goddess.
Surely - all of that must mean something……
The topless lady athletes may not be important.
Or they might be. I don’t know about that.
It’s the Campus and the Commons that seems to Me to be what
is important.
The Words of the Goddess are also important.
Both are important.
Yet neither fits well together in this meditation? dream? whatever?
At least I had a message.
At least I remembered enough of it to write it down…..
For this Greybeard that is decided progress…..
So thus it was -
So thus it is -
So thus it be…..
Blessings Be.
Letter to the Godddess - #6 - Eclectic in Chaos?
Hail & Well My Goddess!
{Goddess of the Duty Shift}
I am still here.
My situation - in all major respects -
has not changed.
I am still living with Family.
I am still working at MysticWitch.com for
Mystress RavenFyre.
The Festival Season was good.
I learned much.
I became a better performer.
I also became a better - pagan?
I am slowly starting to question my status as - pagan?
The Mystress has been slowly and ever so carefully been
guiding me and leading me into a new understanding of what
i might actually be.
I might be becoming more Chaotic.
Yes - Dear Goddess.
Chaotic.
I might just be - as once I said - a “Chaotic Eclectic".
An Eclectic in Chaos.
As if I even know what that might be and mean…..
Yes - Goddess.
I have more to study, discover and learn.
And with Your help -
and the help of the Mystress -
I might just discover and learn something…..
So thus it was -
So thus it is -
So thus it be…..
Paganus Greybeard
BardicMagus/Priest-in-Training
07/07/2006
Letter to the Goddess #5: Breaking the Cycle #2
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
Greetings, Goddess.
It is again I -
Your humble, mortal Paganus…..
As Hours follow Minutes -
as Days follow Hours -
as the Moon ceaselessly circles the Earth -
As Earth itself forever tracks around the Sun -
so to do Dreams circle ’round us.
Some Dreams are Positive -
they illuminate, guide, instruct and point-the-way
along the forward path.
Some Dreams are Negative -
they strew thorns and thistles into the path -
and obscure and block the forward path.
In these Dreams -
plotlines and recurrent scenes, settings and characters
inhabit this Dreamtime Theatre.
Our Muses are the Writers & Directors of many - but by no means all -
of these mental theatrics. For as many of the Dreams that are from
your Guides, Guardians and Muses equally as many of the performances
upon the mental stage are products of our own mind with little outside
assistance.
Sometimes a dream is just a dream as a cigar is just a cigar.
Sometimes though that cigar is smoked by a person who should not be in
our dreams. When this happens is it a tossing-up of old unfinished
mental business or a spiritual & occult plane visitation/manifestation?
IF dreams are clearly becoming more than a day’s rehashed and recycled
events you may well be in Dream Cycle. A Cycle that may be of infinite
degree between the Dark and the Light. It it menacing, intimidating
and disturbing enough to infect and affect your waking, working hours
you might well be in the midst and grip of a Dark Dream Cycle.
Breaking the Dark Dream’s Cycle becomes a vital psychological,
emotional, physical and spiritual priority…..
Hand-Drafted:
***{15:27/3:27p}{pacific/’california’}{04/02/2006}***
Dark Dreams.
Unwelcome Visitations & Manifestations.
Lessons being taught -
or Warnings being given?
On a clearing and mild weather day here in Southern California -
thoughts do turn to the 950+ ‘Severe’ weather incidents/reports
in IN/IL/TN. Some of the red triangles {tornadoes} and even some
of the white dots {hail} were far too close to Montpelier and Blackford
County. Perhaps these unwanted ‘Dreamscape’ intrusions of the Mystress
were ‘get out of here while You still can’ Warnings.
Dark Warnings?
Warnings & Alerts as Dark Dreams?
Not being the Dreamer I can only offer -
Perhaps????
Hand-Drafted:
***(08:20)(04/04/2006)***
Birds feeding outside window.
Day may or may not be clearer & dryer. Can’t tell just quite yet…..
Palm Springs and ‘K’burg’ photos available to ‘leathergoddess’.
Guild was looking for photos. Photos on ‘MagickalMystics’
on Google. Might need to post/forward them to ‘leathergoddess’.
Or ‘leathergoddess’ may already have them.
Will know what-is-what this afternoon.
Still no commo. from the Mystress. Was able to post the April 2006
MysticWitch.com deadlines upon Mystic Witch Forums. Might need to
x-post them to the Yahoo & Google Forums.
Might need to work up a notice or series of notices saying I will not
be available & online for my daily work sessions on the weekends
starting April 22nd. Festival Season…..
Hand-Drafted:
***(08:23)(04/05/2006)***
Storms.
Hail.
Wind.
Rain.
Wanted to get out of here yesterday.
Did not go.
Bad day to leave here and go anywhere.
Radios very busy. Had radios on so long had to shut them off
and put them on charge.
Weather map looks better for here tomorrow & Freya’Frid’s Day.
Not all that sure about Montpelier. Yesterday’s Pacific storm is
headed east where it will collide with lower level warm air
and moisture from the Gulf. More red triangles and watch and
warning boxes on the Weather Channel’s weather map.
Damn.
Hope the “Spooky Blue Mansion” is ready for this…..
Hand-Drafted:
***(09:19)(04/06/2006)***
Daylight.
Clear, Quiet - No Rain.
Can’t - yet! - speak for Montpelier.
Have heard from the Mystress.
Email on the 5th.
Found and read it on the 6th.
Wrote up the ‘Daily Business’ and gave a short reply.
Mystress is in an extended and protracted ‘moment of transition’.
So much so I am beginning to consider the possibility of a
‘transformation’. Emotional, Psychological and Spiritual -
all could be up for update & change in this ‘transitional
transformation’. Said She put some of her ‘tools’ away.
That’s very interesting. Just as She is putting Her ‘tools’ away -
I am collecting and ‘activating’ mine. Perhaps - in some
very small-scale and very low-level way a role switch is being played
out here. Might be more from Her today - IF all is stable and
together there….
Mystress asked if the earlier “Goddess Letters” were OK to post &
publish.
I knew from the first it was a possibility She would inquire.
She has the “Green Light” - She has the “Go” to post and publish all,
part or none of the “Letters” as She sees and feels fit to do so.
As has been said before -
While I may not be a Witch -
I do work for One!
I am - for the Mystic Witch Forums -
Site Administrator & Group Moderator.
I keep the traffic moving and clean up the ‘road-hazard’ Spam.
Anticipation.
I need to know what needs to be done -
and as much as possible from my limited end -
do it and get it done.
I am also a Writer and Contributor to MysticWitch.com.
I need to ’see’ the needs of the Membership and Readership and write,
produce and post articles and other materials for that Membership
and Readership. Topical, pertinent and appropriate articles and
other materials.
In time there may even be more tasks, duties, responsibilities.
There is MysticWitch.net with products to promote and sell.
There is RavenOaks.net - the “Community Centre’s” website.
There is MWS - the School. So very many things to tend to -
and there is only one (1) Mystress RavenFyre.
Anticipation.
So just what is next for then the Paganus?
Stay tuned.
We’ll find out together…..
Letter to the Goddess #4: Breaking the Cycle
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
Goddess:
It’s sunny & warm here.
At least - for the present moment as I hand-write these
words it’s sunny and warm. {03/13/2006}
{As I sit here and keyboard these words it’s darkly cloudy,
windy and threatening to rain…..}{03/31/2006}
As I handwrite these words {03/13/2006} it’s very cold and
overcast in Montpelier, In. As the Mystress Herself told me -
it was so cold upstairs - in ‘Her’ room - that She had to move
the ‘puter unit downstairs. It was so cold in that house you
could see your breath. That is a very cold house!
Progress was made on Palm Springs Festival.
I was able to go for the final day - on the Sanctus.
It meant a negotiated compromise - but I did manage to
salvage something of the weekend. It was good weekend.
Till - of course - We got to the picking-up/cleaning-up & packing-up.
That was - as it always is - a chore. Very heavy solid oak tables
and benches, chairs and crates. Tents to break down and stow.
Lots of work to be done in a very short amount of time.
But that is why I went down to Palm Springs. I was not really
there for the activities during the day - though I contributed far
more than I did last year. I was there for the labour/work party.
With considerable effort We were packed up and on the road in two hours
and seven minutes. For this Guild - not bad at all…..
Mondae We met back at the the “Koroneburg” site and unloaded and
unpacked everything that stayed there.
That was another two hours of effort and labour.
I thank You, Goddess for the chance to offer My assistance and services
to the Guild.
It was greatly appreciatedby the Guild….
{03/24/2006}
Yes, Goddess - I am better.
I am much better.
My personal & internal ’storms’ have - for the moment - passed.
I know I have used - in earlier Letters - the term ‘Nightmare’ to
describe my ‘life’. I know that for some that that may be a very
inaccurate use of the term. I know, accept and understand this.
‘Nightmare’ may not be - in any real sense - accurate at all for my ‘life’.
Why?
Why is ‘Nightmare’ quite possibly not accurate or proper for my ‘life’?
Let’s examine that briefly for the explanation…..
I am NOT - : Dying of starvation & hunger in Dharfhur.
Poking my helmeted head up out of the bombed-into-rubble
remnants of a Mosque in Iraq or Afghanistan
A ‘political’ prisoner in Chile
An inner-city ill-educated black male youth in the U.S.
Dying of AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa
A declared ‘apostate’ in Afghanistan, Iran or Iraq
A privately employed ‘Security Officer’ in Southern California.
I am none of these things.
So why then is my ‘life’ - such as it can be considered and described -
described as a ‘Nightmare’?
My ‘life’ - in this family and household - is very slow-motion.
What might take weeks or months to achieve and accomplish for another
might well take Me months and years.
I have no employment.
I have no ‘earned’ income.
I am not living on my own.
I ‘live’ here in the Family Residence.
I am 48 years old.
I am very well aware that in certain societies and cultures this is
not a negative in any possible way. Rather - for some - it is
thought to be a great blessing. I am still at home to aid and assist
the Family. The fact that I would be - in very great measure -
’sacrificing’ My own ‘life’ for what is required by the family is never thought of or even
considered. This is My ‘life’. Where else would I be? What else would I doing?
However - in equally great measure - and with no disrespect to anyone or
any societal, cultural tradition and belief - I cannot and do not see My
situation in that light and in those terms.
I see myself as the youngest child.
I am the youngest child.
The child who did not escape the Family nest.
How then - do I escape this situation?
Money.
I need to earn money.
Money means employment.
Employment means the paycheck.
The paycheck means the missing money.
the employment also means risking my ‘escape’ -
IF It can ever even happen - later…..
It’s a very pedestrian and quite ‘mundane’ situation.
It’s a very ‘mundane’ ‘nightmare’.
Yes - it may not even be - even for ‘mundanian’ situations
much of a ‘nightmare’.
Clearly - I understand, accept and acknowledge that.
My ’storms’ - for the immediate, present moment - have passed.
Such may not be said for the Mystress.
A seriously severe bout of dark and nasty dreams has so unsettled Her
She reportedly is seriously considering chucking it all and -
‘…going mundane….’. For the Mystress to tell Me this -
in strictest, personal confidence - is rather astounding.
It clearly now appears that the ‘problems’ of January have not been
solved and dealt with.
My ‘nightmare’ is quite ‘mundane’. It is not of the psychic, occult and
spiritual realms. A common and very ‘mundane’ ‘paycheck’ will go far to
solving my difficulties.
A ‘mundanian’ ‘paycheck’ will not solve psychic, occult or spiritual
realm difficulties.
Working through a Manager on the temporal, mundane level/realm will
result in a paycheck that will in turn help solve temporal, mundane
realm difficulties.
Working through one’s Guides, Guardians & Muses is required in matters
of the psychic, occult and spiritual realms.
Working with one’s Guides, Guardians and Muses is often complicated,
difficult and confusing. When you deal with your Guides & Guardians
you are dealing with Spirits. Some of these Spirits may be Family
Ancestors. In some societies and cultures this is expected.
Some may be Spectres of future or alternative lives/selves.
Spirits may not all be of and from the ‘Positive-White-Light’.
Some may very easily be - and clearly may well be - of the
‘Negative-Black-Darkness’. Only by experience can one hope to
learn and discern the difference. Sometimes - as mere humble ‘human’
mortals - one cannot tell or know the difference.
Darkness can - and has - masqueraded as the Light. What appears to
be the Light may not always be the Light. The Light - in order to
teach a lesson or make a needed point - can and often does work through
means and methods that can seem and appear to be of the Dark.
Sometimes lessons must be taught.
Lessons must be learned.
Messages must be sent and received.
Even as a mere “Magus-In-Training” I have learned and know that.
Goddess - You made very sure I learned that!
Dreams can be and are a prime mode and means of communication to and
from the Occult Realms. Occult - as I know and use the term - is that of
‘hidden’ or ‘obscured’ or ‘concealed’. The Realm of the Guides,
Guardians and Muses is - for the most part - ‘hidden’ and ‘obscured’
from our mortal view, comprehension and understanding.
Sometimes the lesson taught and the messages communicated are not
pleasant.
Sometimes they are very far from pleasant. I’ve had some very dark and
black dreams. Watching ‘myself’ be killed through the eyes, ears and
perceptions of the ’self’ being killed comes readily to mind. As
shattering and unsettling as that recent dream was - it was dealt with.
I was told what to do to break the cycle of the dream.
I followed the Guidance of my Guides & Guardians.
That dream is now only a rapidly fading memory.
How did I ‘defeat’ the ‘death-dream’?
I reached over and held my pewter & crystal wand. The wand has not left
my presence since that night - and that authentic ‘nightmare’.
Goddess - that is how I ‘defeated’ my dream.
I cannot expect the Mystress to do the same.
Our situations are quite seperate and unique.
I was shaken for a few days afterwards.
That was to be expected.
She is now being shaken - and disrupted - by Her dreams.
How do I help/assist Her in Breaking this Dream Cycle?
For this clearly sounds and feels like a Dream Cycle.
How do I do whatever it is that might needs be done?
I need to ‘listen’ to my Guides, Guardians and Muses.
I need to ‘hear’ their Guidance and instruction.
So I shall ‘listen’ and ‘hear’.
So I shall share what I thusly learn….
{To Be Continued/Completed……}
Letter to the Goddess - #3
Goddess -
I am here for Part #3.
This is from today.
This is today’s entry….
May this find Your favor and acceptance…..
Goddess -
I’m better today.
I’m much better today.
Serena & Sherri are also much better today.
Sitting with them last night helped.
I will sit with them today while the family is out
running and doing errands and whatever…..
It’s Tiu’s Day today. It’s clearer than yesterday.
So far it’s clearer than yesterday. Warmer too!
It’s supposed to be even more clear and warm tomorrow.
I am doing what I said I would have to do.
I am surviving and enduring. The rest of the week still
looks to be empty, pointless and futile.
I can accept that. I have no real choice - now do I?
I also accept that that it may very well change and not be
quite so empty, pointless and futile….
I cannot say.
I do not know…..
I still sit here -
tending the household -
and writing by hand….
So thus it was -
So thus it is -
So thus it be…..
Letter to the Goddess - #2
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
Goddess -
I come here before You with Letter Part #2….
Again - May this find Your acceptance……
Goddess -
I am again here - writing by hand….
The Darkness is lessened.
I cannot say it is gone.
It may never be gone.
It is lessened.
Emotionally My senses and feelings are not nearly as Dark
as they were but a few hours ago.
How this can be I cannot say because I do not know.
I do not understand it. Yet it is real. Quite real.
My situation in this household is in no way changed.
Palm Springs is still a ‘no-go’. As of this moment it is
a ‘no-go’. {20:15}{8:15p}{03/20/2006}
Perhaps something Metaphysical/Spiritual/Ocult has changed.
Perhaps. I cannot say what it is or what it might even be.
I do not know this. This is far, far beyond anything I have
yet read, studied or previously experienced….
I do know that the brief words of the Mystress have helped.
Her words helped. So too did something I may have done.
I stopped pushing so hard to obtain an answer or answers.
Perhaps it really does matter not if I am able to do
Palm Springs Festival. Perhaps I am meant for something else
this week? Or perhaps I am meant to only do what is always done -
My tediously predictable daily and weekly routine?
I cannot say.
I do not know.
I did something else today.
I re-set My own personal ‘production’ ‘deadline’ schedule.
I again told the Mystress My words and writings would come in
on Freya/Frid’s day. I took the “Get it done - Get it done NOW!”
pressure off Myself.
I also admitted that perhaps My only known - at this moment in time -
way out of this never ending nightmare of my ‘life’ in this household
is through survival, endurance and outliving/outlasting my family.
Which is - obviously - also a nightmarish event scenario.
A bad scene no matter how it plays out…..
I also admitted I have questioned why I bother/bothered with any of this.
My head, emotions and psyche have been in a rather darkly-grey and
gloomy place for the past few days. The weather - admittedly! - has not
helped. A dark-black place? No. Merely a middling grey murky gloom.
Think of a cold. foggy day with a slow, drizzling rain. Very sloppy and
messy. Perhaps even dangerous - But it can be dealt with.
By some way -
By some means -
I am writing these words -
and dealing with it…..
Letter to the Goddess - #1
By Staff Writer: Paganus Greybeard
Greetings, Goddess!
I come before You with this letter.
I have no offering for You save these words and
my thoughts behind these words….
May they be found acceptable…..
This is only the first of a multi-part letter.
There are more parts - from later days.
What begins with this part has not yet ended -
it has not yet played itself out…..
There is much more to yet come……
Everything Changes.
Light to Dark and back again.
In My ‘life’ - IF I am permitted that somewhat fanciful
exaggeration and overstatement -
My options may have just closed down.
Due to the cost of gasoline My participation in the
Palm Springs Renn. Festival is no longer likely.
I can’t go down and stay.
I have no tent and sleeping bag.
I also have no money to go get a tent and sleeping bag.
I have no ’source of earned income’ for the money to go get
a sleeping bag and tent. Rather thourally ’screwed’ am I…..
I may not even be able to go at all even if I did have
money for the tent and sleeping bag.
The car I drive is not in My name.
It is in the Family’s name.
“It’s not Your car. It’s Ours. We can - and We will -
say how and when and where it is used….”
I am even more ’screwed’…..
IF Palm Springs Festival is not to be -
as it appears to not be -
what else is at risk?
Perhaps everything?
The main “Koroneburg” Festival. Though I do have some possible employment there.
Not much earned - but perhaps just enough to ’salvage’ the Festival for me….
My getting out of here for Montpelier.
IF Palm Springs is shut-down {for Me and My participation} then I am
going to be very - inhuman.
The Spring Festivals are when I get My ‘humanity’ back.
Winter is a dark and draining time for Me.
That is - by now - well known.
Painfully well known.
IF I am not able to get My ‘humanity’ back I may be very dangerous
to be around. I may have to shut Myself up in this room and just stay
here. I may have to again seriously question IF I am of the
“White-Light-Path” at all. It is not feeling of “White” I feel at this moment.
It is also not “Dark". It is not even “Grey". It is closer to depressed, angry,
emptiness….
Emptiness.
And a very strong sense of Failure.
Failure because I have no source of Income -
No paychecks in the Bank Account -
I’m being shut down.
Goddess - How do I tell Marcello {GuildMaster} that again it’s a
‘no-go’ because of no money and a car that is not Mine?
Just How do I do that???
Goddess - How do I explain all this to the Mystress?
IF Palm Springs {for Me} does not happen - what else dies with it?
I already knew Montpelier was close to impossible.
That was not news. It was a challenge…..
This may make it beyond even impossible - an even bigger challenge…..
It may even be a sign that even more may - in time - be lost.
I wrote the Mystress that 04/01 might need to be an ‘employed by’ date.
IF Palm Springs does go down {for Me} - and I have to live without it -
04/01 will become a near certain required deadline. In order to ’save’
‘Koroneburg’ I am going to need income. And that might just mess up
whatever the Mystress might possibly have been planning - or is planning.
How do I explain this to Her? So much is starting to come together and to
happen - and I may just not be part of it. IF I don’t start pulling down
some income even email and My online work sessions are at risk.
How do I tell Her that? How?????
How do I tell Her I am being slowly silenced, shut-down and
put-out-of-business by a parental decree - “Get A Job!".
The Mystress is Not well thought of around
here. Not well thought of all all - in any way at all….
‘Liar’, ‘Cheat’, ‘Fraud’, even once ‘Thief’.
‘You cannot believe a single word She tell You…’
‘So what is She - a Witch?’
Not nice words at all.
Not a nice attitude behind the words either.
Yet - these are some of the more diplomatic and discrete words spoken.
There have been many more - many that are much worse.
So IF I am shut-down family might well see it as a ‘victory’ for their
‘morals & values’. Obviously - I cannot and do not see things that way.
Bad attitude from family.
Dark attitude from family.
Goddess - just how do I say to the Mystress that in this household the
‘Dark’ side might just win after all?……
Just how do I say that????
Letters to the Goddess
Letters to the Goddess
Written By: Mistress Ravenfye
Mother Azna:
You have shown me many times that through the darkness the light will always shine to light my path.
My faith in your guiding hands has led me through many various paths.
Some of which I may not understand in the beginning, but at the end of the journey I see and understand fully why it was important for the experiences.
Now, I have reached a crossroad. Unsure of which path to safely travel upon.
I feel your ever bold presence but do not see the signs as clearly as days gone by.
Where is this leading to, I ask of you?
Is there a solution that will fill the void that has seemed to swallow the very essence of my soul?
Will there be that light that I have been comforted by at the end of each trial and tribulation?
I seek no immediate solution from you and the Lords of which I have devoted myself to
Realizing that the solution must come from within myself
Yet I see no solution
Have I become blind?
Have I become deaf?
Have I become numb?
Lead your daughter from the darkness into the light
Let me see, feel and hear once again
For I am lost
Azna, Mother of All
I thank you for listening once again and for the blessings that you have graced my life with