As Valentine’s Day approaches, our hearts often flutter at the thought of romance, gifts, and tokens of affection. However, beneath the glittering façade lies a history interwoven with the darker sides of love and human nature. In this blog, we’ll explore the historical origins of Valentine’s Day, the powerful influence of witchcraft, and the celebration of the Divine Feminine—all while acknowledging the complexities and sometimes horrifying realities of romantic love.
Historical Origins: Beyond the Roses
Beyond the roses, Valentine’s Day traces its roots back to ancient Rome, specifically to a festival called Lupercalia, celebrated in mid-February. Initially a rite of fertility, this festival involved rituals that paired off young men and women, but it also included animal sacrifices and other brutal customs. During the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which celebrated fertility and purification, rituals included a rather shocking practice known as the "Lupercalian Lottery." This event involved the pairing of young men and women, often in a festive and chaotic manner.
Young women would write their names on slips of paper, which would then be placed into a container. Young men would draw names and be paired with the women for the duration of the festival, often resulting in temporary relationships that could range from romantic encounters to more serious connections.
This practice, while not an auction in the traditional sense, treated women as prizes to be won in a lottery-like drawing, reflecting a rather objectifying view of women’s roles in society at that time. It was a way for men to choose partners while reinforcing the social norms of fertility and procreation, contributing to the festival's overall themes.
Lupercalia was marked by various rites, including sacrifices, feasting, and revelry, but the pairing of young couples through this lottery exemplifies how women were often seen as commodities in ancient Roman culture.
This festival gets to me, as they used sacrificed goat and dog skin strips to slap women with as a sign of fertility. These strips, often referred to as "thongs," were then used by young men to playfully slap women who were present. Women would often line up, and it was thought that being struck by these animal skins would ensure fertility, ease childbirth, and promote health—essentially invoking blessings for fertility and prosperity.
While the act was intended to be playful and festive, it also reflects the objectification of women in ancient society, treating them as participants in a ritual meant to enhance fertility and align with the themes of love inherent in the festival. Bizarre and not aligned with love at all if you ask me.
I've seen articles that glamorize this festival and I just can't, I don't like it mostly because of the animal sacrifice and how women seemed to be auctioned off. The civil unrest of Rome at the time reflected a culture in which love was not simply a sweet sentiment but also an arena for political and social turmoil.
Onto some other historical origins.
The holiday is named after Saint Valentine, a priest in the third century who defied Emperor Claudius II's ban on marriages for young men, believing that single men made better soldiers. Valentine performed secret wedding ceremonies for couples, ultimately leading to his arrest and execution. Folklore suggests that while imprisoned awaiting execution Valentine sent a letter proclaiming his love, the first “valentine” with the girl he fell in love with, a young girl who visited him during his confinement. While specific historical details about their ages are not documented, it is widely believed that Valentine was likely in his 30s or 40s—an educated and established man, while the girl was often characterized as a young, possibly teenage, girl. This would suggest a significant age difference, commonly estimated to be around 20 years or more.
This kind of narrative has contributed to the romanticized legend of Valentine as a figure of forbidden love. However, it’s important to note that these stories are largely based on legend and tradition rather than verified historical facts, and details can vary between sources. Before his death, it is said that he wrote her a letter he signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today.
Was this man a creep, or was he an endless romantic? Was this act of love in the face of tyranny serving as a poignant reminder of the often harrowing sacrifices made in the name of love? All of this history really makes me wonder how things got so twisted. How fathers and mothers sold their daughters for 3 cows and a pig to a wealthy old man. Sadly in the days of old a 13-year-old being married off to a 30 or 40-year-old wasn't uncommon. It is no wonder we find ourselves where we are today as a collective at the crossroads in the underworld searching for sovereignty in a codependent world dead set on staying that way.
H2: The Roses
Roses have been symbols of love and beauty since ancient times, particularly in Greek and Roman cultures. The Greeks dedicated the rose to Aphrodite (the goddess of love) and the Romans associated it with Venus. The formal association of roses with Valentine’s Day solidified in the 18th century when the holiday gained popularity in England and eventually in other parts of Europe. Valentine’s Day became a time to express love and affection through letters, poetry, and gifts, including flowers, with roses being the choice symbol for love. The Victorian era saw the floral language trend, where different flowers and colors conveyed specific meanings. The red rose, symbolizing passionate love, became the flower of choice for expressing romantic sentiments, particularly on Valentine’s Day..In the 20th century, with the commercialization of Valentine’s Day, the rose emerged as the quintessential Valentine’s gift. Florists capitalized on its association with love, promoting roses as the ultimate romantic gesture on February 14th.
The rose is everywhere this time of year, yet we rarely pause to consider its deeper messages. Its exquisite beauty and intricate structure embody profound wisdom for women, symbolizing both gentleness and strength. Embracing the metaphor of the five-pointed rose star of Venus, we recognize that, like the petals of a rose, we radiate love and compassion. Yet we also possess thorns, which serve as vital boundaries protecting our hearts and souls, reminding us that it is essential to assert our needs.
As I reflect on roses this time of year, I've realized they don’t bloom in my garden in February. This led me to consider how society's expectations around Valentine's Day often feel unrealistic. Roses may bloom in February in warmer climates, but in colder regions, they remain dormant until spring. In the floral industry, greenhouse cultivation allows roses to be available year-round, contributing to their popularity as gifts.
Choose to bloom when you are ready, not when society dictates. Like the rose on Valentine’s Day, we are often pushed to conform to external expectations rather than following our natural rhythms. Just as a rose can flourish while withstanding the elements, we too can thrive by honoring our softness and embracing our fierce spirit. By embodying the wisdom of the rose, we nurture our capacity for love while reinforcing our autonomy, balancing vulnerability and strength that allows us to blossom fully in all aspects of life.
Witchcraft and the Mystique of Love
Navigating the intricate world of love, many women throughout history turned to witchcraft. We have all seen it in Practical Magic the movie and book, how love spells can destroy not only the one having a spell cast upon them but the one who is desiring love. Love spells became tools for empowerment in a time when women were often silenced and marginalized. However, it's essential to recognize that love spells can tread a fine line between desire and manipulation. Today, many practitioners of witchcraft share a commitment to honoring autonomy and free will.
As witches, we must strive to be authentic in our practices, focusing on finding true love rather than coercing someone into falling in love against their will. It’s important to understand that love spells must respect one's sovereignty; attempting to remove a third party from a relationship, for instance, often relinquishes personal power. Instead, let’s focus on self-love rituals that promote healing and awareness. When we face unwanted competition in love, we should love ourselves enough to recognize when it’s time to step away, rather than interfere with someone else’s choices.
It is disheartening to research our history sometimes. The darkness is woven into our society with pretty bows and roses while the real facts about what was happening were bypassed or swept or the rug, and a pretty one at that so there was no need to even think about peeking.
Embracing Authenticity: Love Spells and Sovereignty
When we craft love spells, we must focus on finding our true love in a way that reflects our integrity. While spells can guide us toward love, it’s imperative to avoid manipulating others' free will. This means refraining from casting spells that aim to remove a third party from a relationship or to create a bond through coercion. Instead, let’s channel our energy toward nurturing self-love and healing.
In my practice as a witch, I believe we should engage in rituals that encourage us to embrace our own wholeness, reinforcing that the love we desire will be magnetized to us when we embody that love ourselves. We wait less for romantic affection and focus more on becoming the person who naturally attracts healthy, reciprocal love.
Every act of self-love—whether it’s buying ourselves flowers, doing self-care rituals, or surrounding ourselves with supportive friends—reinforces our belief that we are complete on our own. Moving past the fear that we are not enough without someone else fosters a healthier relationship with ourselves and ultimately transforms how we connect with others.
The Divine Feminine: Goddesses of Love and War
Valentine’s Day offers a perfect opportunity to connect with powerful goddesses as archetypes that symbolize love, devotion, and empowerment. Venus, the Roman goddess of love and beauty, represents the pure essence of romantic attraction and passion. She reminds us of the joy and bliss that love can bring, encouraging us to embrace our desires unapologetically. Cupid, the Roman god of desire and affection, often depicted as the mischievous son of Venus, wields his arrows to instigate love at first sight among mortals and gods alike. Invoking Venus can inspire us to open our hearts, nurture relationships, and cultivate self-love, recognizing that we are deserving of deep affection and connection.
Aphrodite, her Greek counterpart, embodies not only romantic love but also the celebration of feminine power and sensuality. As the goddess of love, fertility, and beauty, she invites us to rejoice in our own individuality and unique gifts. Embracing the Aphrodite archetype encourages us to recognize the beauty within ourselves and others, promoting self-acceptance and appreciation in all its forms. This mindset can help transform the often commercialized holiday into a genuine celebration of love in its many expressions, urging us to treat ourselves and our loved ones with kindness and compassion.
In contrast, Lilith serves as a powerful archetype of independence and authenticity. Often seen as a figure of rebellion, she represents the refusal to conform to societal expectations. Lilith encourages us to embrace our desires and assert our needs without fear of judgment. By embodying Lilith on Valentine’s Day, we empower ourselves to seek out relationships that honor our true selves, advocating for boundaries and mutual respect. Together, these goddesses—Venus, Aphrodite, and Lilith—invite us to explore the many facets of love, reminding us that embracing our individuality and strength can lead to more fulfilling connections and a deeper appreciation of our own worth.
This Valentine’s Day, I’ve chosen to honor Lilith and Medusa—two powerful figures often overlooked during this season of love. While many might opt to celebrate Athena, the goddess of love and war, I resonate more with the rebellious spirit of Lilith and the complex legacy of Medusa. Medusa’s story is particularly meaningful, as she represents the sister wound, having been transformed into a monster despite being a victim of her Priestess's jealousy. I find beauty in celebrating these unconventional women who challenge societal norms and redefine love and strength.
Lilith embodies independence and the courage to break free from expectations, while Medusa’s legacy invites us to reflect on how stories have been shaped to control and diminish women. This Valentine’s, I embrace their narratives and the lessons they impart about resilience and empowerment. As you sit at your altar, consider who you will honor this Valentine’s Day. Will you celebrate the traditional goddesses of love, or will you, like me, choose to uplift the less-recognized figures who exemplify strength and defiance?
Love: The Essence of Connection
What is love, really? In her profound work A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson asserts, “Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the relinquishment—or unlearning—of fear and the acceptance of love back into our hearts.” Love isn't something we simply gift to another; instead, it is an intrinsic part of who we are. We truly feel love when we are in our center, vibrating at our fullest potential, and connecting with others who are also aligned.
As women fear has been ingrained in the fabric of our being passed down from our ancestors from some of the dark history I shared in this blog. Returning to the love that we are is important in our path to reclaiming wholeness. How do we unravel the fear and find love one might ask. Unraveling fear means looking at how we got here with eyes wide open and choosing to live a life of self-love and compassion.
Often, we confuse romantic love with the toxic, magnetic draw stemming from an unhealed womb space—manifesting through toxic relationships when in reality we are longing for unresolved father or mother wounds to be resolved, or even the scars left by a jealous ex-partner manifesting in other toxic relationships when in reality we desire partnership. Healing and self-love are what we need most at this time. Recognizing these dynamics allows us to decipher the difference between true love and the entrapments of unaddressed emotional pain, fostering healthier connections rooted in authenticity and mutual respect.
Celebrating Alone: Reclaiming Our Power
On Valentine’s Day, many individuals may feel a sense of loss or loneliness, especially those without a romantic partner. This feeling can be compounded by societal expectations to celebrate this holiday with grand gestures. Many of us flat-out get the get the ick. However, we have the power to reclaim this day as one of self-love and empowerment. Why not take this opportunity to buy ourselves flowers, indulge in a ritual bath, or gather our gal pals for a celebratory dinner? This reimagining of Valentine’s Day into “Galentine’s Day” allows us to embrace friendship, self-love, and community.
When we celebrate ourselves and each other, we redefine this holiday to highlight gratitude, joy, and empowerment. We can choose to honor our individuality and the unique love we share with our friends, creating new memories that showcase the strength of sisterhood and self-appreciation. By taking our power back, we can transform Valentine’s Day into an occasion for celebration rather than a painful reminder of what we lack.
Every act of self-love reinforces that we are our own source of love. This reclamation allows us to dismantle the societal norms that often distort the essence of love, encouraging us to challenge the narratives that equate our worth with romantic validation. As you navigate this Valentine’s Day, let it not be merely a celebration of romance. As we choose to rewrite the narrative around love, we can foster a culture that celebrates the fullness of our beings, encourages healing from past wounds, and embraces the beauty of connection. Love is not found in the absence of solitude; rather, it is amplified when we stand in our power and share that love with the world.
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